The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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