And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize