Pappa wants mamma naked
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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