You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
