Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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