I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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