I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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