we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
