he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
