***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
