tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
