so let's talk penis.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
