All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
