Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
