I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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