I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she peed on how many people?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Randomize
