she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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