ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
