She is in my trunk
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
