You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
