woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
