sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he fucked my hip out of place.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
