EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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