I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
