i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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