I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
