He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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