you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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