just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
