i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize