just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
