i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize