I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Small penises have feelings too.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
