I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
