So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
