Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
time to smoke my breakfast
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
