Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize