Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Everyone says I win the strip club
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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