i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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