I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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