Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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