There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
