they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
