I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
