I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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