Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
