tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
