i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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