My underwear smells like fireworks.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I FOUND THE LEGS
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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