I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
