Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
