i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
