dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
