I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
