maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
