The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
