dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
false alarm, still single
Randomize
