I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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