so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
