Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
