I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
