Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
