seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
