What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
